FIX ME!
Most people like to try and fix other people.
Christians are notorious for trying to fix others' problems. And, truth be told, that is not entirely out of bounds. But there is a fine line.
We may see someone smoking, drinking, cussing or carousing, and see an immediate need to step in as an artificial savior. Not because we are intentionally trying to be anyone's savior, but because we believe the other person has a problem that we have already overcome.
If we admit it, we love the challenge of trying to correct an obvious blemish in someone's life. For example, we like to try and help people bring reconciliation (or amazingly even advise divorce) to their marriage-even though we are not a counselor, nor have we had any training. We simply believe that because we have been married for umpteen years that by default we can speak into someone's life for the better. But, sadly, that is not always the best road. It is not the best road for the person having the trouble, nor is it the best road for the fixer.
Well, then what is the best road?
First, you should know that this writing is a complete oxymoron. I am encouraging people not to be a fixer and I am doing that very thing myself-trying to fix people from fixing in the wrong way.
Nevertheless, and because I have never claimed to be even slightly perfect, I am going to continue by sharing a story that illustrates my intentions.
Once there was a man who went off to war. We spent several years in the army and had been through many battles. In his last conflict, his body had sustained severe-and at that time irreparable-damage. He had lost an eye, a leg, a hand, two fingers on the other hand, 60% of his skin was terribly charred from a prosperous grenade, and on his good foot two of the toes were naturally slightly longer than his bog toe-very unsightly.
Well, in the process of things his wife left him because she couldn't handle looking at him everyday. Because he had lost an eye his depth perception was off and he couldn't get a license to drive and so he couldn't hold down a job. Because of the nasty divorce and lack of a job he wasn't able to see his kids. When he tried to get a date every woman turned him down because of the way he looked. Then he started drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. Soon he had severe mental issues and even tried committing suicide.
Fast forward ten years.
A plastic surgeon and psychologist had heard about this man's story in the newspaper, and because he was a hero for his country they decided that they would take him on as a client for free. They saw all of his issues and determined that if they could just fix him up that he could move forward in life. So they took this fixer-upper and pieced him back together inch by inch. The whole thing took about a year.
First the surgeon put in a fake eye, did some grafting and pulled back his skin so he would look younger.
Then he gave him an artificial hand.
Then he suited him up with a prosthetic leg.
He even found a donor for the fingers that he was missing off his other hand.
In the process he was able to fix his two irregular toes.
He even gave him a complimentary hair transplant (he was going bald).
Then the psychologist went to work:
The shrink treated him for Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
Then he got him on his couch and convinced him to stop smoking and drinking.
He was even successful at purging him from the suicidal thoughts and arranged several meetings with his kids.
Finally, it was all done. He looked years younger. He was mentally sound. They had fixed him up so good that it was barely noticeable that he was in a war and suffered so much damage to his body.
The surgeon and shrink were awarded the "good Samaritan" medal for all they had done for this vet.
After all the press had died down and left him alone, he finally decided to dress up and go out to the club and try and pick up a girl for a date. But just before he left his home...
...he died.
He had had a massive heart attack at age 43.
The surgeon and shrink tried so hard to correct what they could see, but they neglected to have his heart checked.
Christians must be careful that WE do not try and pluck bad apples off the tree one at a time only to later find that the tree was rotten from the core. If the core is rotten, it won't matter how many wormy apples we pluck.
So many times we impose undue rules upon people, enticing them to rebel against the Lord, the church, and us because they only think that we are trying to take away all their fun in the name of religion. We see people coming to church with all these problems and we try to fix them one, two, or even several at a time hoping to put another trophy on our wall in heaven (and possibly even get a reward here on earth). Sadly, many people that come to church are not truly born again. There are Christians, and then there are those who follow the ways of the world. Finally, there are even those who follow the ways of the world that are indeed churchgoers.
We when encourage these worldly churchgoers to fix their issues by imposing or even suggesting more rules, and we fail to stress a proper relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, what we will get is rebellion. Many parents understand this very well. When parents try to give their teens rules without allowing them to understand the reason for the rules, or without them seeing a demonstration of a truly loving parent that is only setting rules out of a sincere love for the child, they will almost certainly exhibit pure rebellion.
I know that sometimes it may seem as though I write about certain issues and that I get on a soapbox about it. But my main intention is simply to encourage anyone reading to love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul and strength. To love God above all else, and when that happens everything else will fall in line.
When we were (or are) in the first stages of dating someone the person we were dating may have conveyed a certain negative attitude about one or more of our idiosyncrasies. In other words, they wanted to correct our blemishes. They might have had an issue with our worldview; we might smoke or drink, etc. But if they see potential they might just ask that we stop so they can further the relationship. When they tried to impose these rule we had two choices. First, we could have abided by their rule, or we might just run for the hills and jump in a different part of the sea in search for another fish.
But what happens when we become infatuated with a person, or dare I say, "we fall in love" with someone? When we love them we will try to do anything that would make them happier-to correct anything that we feel might impede our relationship. We are not worried about the rule. The rule is inconsequential. The only thing we see is a big red heart with an arrow through it. Right? C'mon, admit it...you know I'm right.
The same is true of God and us. When we try and clean up our lives by following the rules without a relationship it breeds rebellion. But when we start loving the Lord-truly loving Him with all we have-then everything will fall into line naturally. How do we fall in love with God? How do we fall in love in our earthly relationships? I know how we don't fall in love. If you don't want to fall in love you wouldn't spend time with that person. You wouldn't be interested in the things they are interested in. You wouldn't show honor or respect. You wouldn't go out of your way to do something for that person. Etc.
If you are a "fixer" try a different avenue of approach. If people are backsliding out of your church, check your method of encouragement.
We make Christianity a hard thing by all of our rules. The rules are designed to protect and guide us into a lasting relationship with the Lord. We must encourage people to deepen their relationship and worry less about them following OUR rules.
And [H]e (Jesus) answered, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." Luke 10:27 NASB
Start here. End here.